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"History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it."-Winston S. Churchill

"The wandering scholars were bound by no lasting loyalties, were attached by no sentiment of patriotism to the states they served and were not restricted by any feeling of ancient chivalry. They proposed and carried out schemes of the blackest treachery."-C.P. Fitzgerald.

Wednesday, March 05, 2025

USAWipes! 

INT, CHARMIN BEARS’ HOME — DAY

The Charmin Bear family is sitting around talking about toilet paper in their typical loving, jovial, slightly creepy way. ICE agents suddenly blast through the front door, and slap hoods and handcuffs on the bears. Donald Trump walks in behind them.

 

Trump: (gesturing) Get those Canuck bears outta here.

 

The ICE agents drag the Charmin Bears away. Trump stands, smiling smugly.

 

Trump: Canadian toilet paper? That’s over. Done. Let me introduce …

 

Holds up a four-pack of toilet paper. The package is emblazoned with Trump’s smiling face.

 

Trump: USAwipesI It’s all-American, people. It’s not soft like Canadian toilet paper. No way. It's made from our great nation’s old-growth forests and shredded government documents. It’s tough. You have to be tough to use it. You have to be American to use it. The right kind of American, OK? No shit.

 

 


# posted by Marty Fugate @ 7:39 AM
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